For the most part we are caring helpers with a desire to bring peace to our world. We are intelligent, emotional, and service oriented. We want peace, love and harmony in our lives and the lives of others. When another comes into our space and is in need, we move into a desire to take action on their behalf. We desire to speak up and bring them just the “right answer” to their problem.
We are people seeking solutions to help another. When asked to help, we immediately delve into our thinking and creating mode. What is needed? What to do? What is the best resolution for that person’s request? We move into subtle and active processes to bring the help to another. We are filled with answers and we want to give it to the one who has asked for help. Yet, is that the true response? Not always.
We have made such a habit of creating a positive outcome for another that we may have been the fodder for their challenges to continue. When we jump into an answer that we have contemplated would be the best for another, we are basing that answer on our needs, skills, and challenges we have met. We are not giving room to the person to listen within and know their true need, use their skills and overcome their personal challenges.
Thus, we need to learn to give No Answer! We need to pause and listen deeply to the person speaking. Their first need may only be to “out burst” their feelings and have someone who can compassionately listen, but not resolve their issue. They need to talk about their situation and feel the emotional expression of their words describing their challenge. We need to enter the realm of compassionate listening and compassionate detachment: we are not their “fix it” person, they are.
A compassionate listener, detached from the emotion and an outcome, allows another to move deeper into their inner knowing. Their own answer surfaces from that space. When they feel it, their communication changes. They soften the out burst. They hear the inner wisdom of their heart-mind and, even deeper, they hear the direction of their soul. They may become quiet for a while. Then they will begin to speak of what they recognize as a solution to their dilemma.
When the solution Is recognized, we may still be required to remain silently compassionate. Perhaps a question or two will be forthcoming, such as, “What do feel is your first step toward fully manifesting your resolution to your challenge?” Then we need to pause and listen, once again.
What if the person asks you if you think they are right? At that moment you are called into active answering. Remember, you will be coming from your experiences of life, not their inner knowing. Let them know your thoughts and feelings of how you would handle the situation, but be sure you express that it is based on your personal experiences and know it is not their experience. Yes, let them know how you created resolutions to your problems throughout your life. Perhaps it was by reading an inspiring self-help book or listening to speaker. Perhaps it was through your meditations and learning from the voice of your True Self. Share that, but then offer the other with a question, “How have you resolved issues in the past?” Then listen and offer no further answer. No response for a resolution is necessary. Simply listen and honor their wisdom, strength and capabilities. For in that moment you are not feeding them your story, you are recognizing their’s. Their fodder of their own power is thus nourishing and their confidence, courage, and self compassion grows and blooms from the inner strength of their Higher Self.
There is also a blessing to us! When we do not jump into an answer, we leave our self in a calm space. Our heightened thoughts and emotional need to act often brings the energy of anxiousness to the forefront; because we do not want to be wrong. In truth, we want to be perfectly right. Anxiousness does not help us or the other.
Anxiousness is often a part of the holidays. Helping others move through their challenges are called into play in many ways. It is highly advertised. Our friends and neighbors may experience the highs and lows of the holidays and feel deprived of answers for balance. If we remain calm and without the answers, the true answer comes to all in need.
Contemplate No Answers!