How many of you have had the flu that has put many in the hospital or at least down in bed? I was thanking the universe, my body, the flu shot, and my healthy lifestyle that this flu had passed me by when suddenly I was down and out for the count! Diagnosed with Whooping Cough and Bronchitis, I was clobbered.
Of course, this caused me to reflect even deeper. Why does this occur when I’m living the right path? (Metaphysical false jargon.) How will I keep this from my husband (doctor said it was highly contagious)? What more can I do? I was ever grateful that I had cancelled the class in LA. I would have spread this to others. What lead me to this experience? Etc., etc., etc.; the questions continued.
I’ve been working right along with my students with the intention to go deeper into ourselves, continue working on developing a conscious awareness of our soul voice, and clearing the rubble of memory, traumas of childhood, any spores of negative karma, and so forth. The journey has been intense (and we have only just begun). It has been fruitful. It has been difficult. It has been clarifying. I have visited previous challenges as well as places of new knowledge.
When this illness took over my body I asked for help in understanding the psycho-spiritual meaning, as well as healing. I called on the Great Mother and all angels who could assist in my healing. Interestingly in a dream that night, Archangel Raphael was present and clearing my inner self. I was nearly lucid in the dream and feeling the clearing of my lungs occurring. He was with several other beings I could not identify, but knew they were of the Angelic realm and participating in the healing. It was not just my bronchial and lung area, it was all through my unconscious. Just before this healing dream completed I had an exciting realization that this was Archangel Raphael and my natural inclination to correspond every thing began noting that he would be the perfect one for clearing my lungs. When I did wake up the following morning I spent the day in gratitude and more contemplation. I also continued the regime of inner healing as well as physical healing requirements.
I had a swift thought move through me, “This event has something to do with the Pneumonia experience I had when I was six weeks old.” In fact, this present illness took hold by six weeks after my recent birthday. Bam! Insight! People who know me often remind me how I get this cold every year and it lasts for weeks or even continues for a couple of months. Interestingly, several years back I had a very good healer doing some unwinding work on my body for just this very reason. For a few years after that, I did not catch a cold that held on. So, why is the habit of this illness back now?
It is a “survival” messenger deep within my cellular memory. It is also a “rescue” message deep within my cellular memory. I survived a death-defying pneumonia when I was six weeks old. The rescuer was the doctor. The family story reveals he stayed with me all night, fearful that I would die. He regulated whatever he had to in order for me to breath and survive. Sometimes I hear him telling me, “You have a life to live yet, little girl. You can’t leave.” I have no reference to that message, I hear it within. I often feel a karmic connection to him. I know he was a committed doctor, but I think we shared more than this life together. Bless him, I’m sure he is doing angelic work in the heavens now.
Survival? Oh yes, I am a perpetual survivor. When something needs to change in order to survive, I am willing to do what is necessary. Some would say that is my natural Capricorn nature. Usually, it is my inner message to “take everything upon my self to make sure the work is done and that something works to improve a situation.” Now in my present evolution, that seems to be to make sure my work of sharing Divine wisdom, my health, and my personal life survive my now aging presence. Oh yes, having a birthday noting I’ve lived for 74 years of Earth life and now entering the 75th year made me stop and think….and more deeply truthful, stir the depths of the inner dimensions of self that remembers how to survive. But more than that, it appears it stirred the need to be rescued–the aspect of my baby-self coming up from the unconscious depths. But who can do that? Who can rescue me? Who can make sure everything works, besides me?
Surely my husband does a whole lot for me. Thus, I don’t think he is the “doctor” I’m searching for. He supports me in the entire circle of needs. Isn’t that humanly enough? Apparently not, I got quite sick. Ah, but he has feed me, made sure I’m covered all night, brings me the cough syrup, reminds me to rest and relax. He forced me to go to the doctor, because my stubborn self said I could take care of this illness alone. We work together to maintain a solid relationship with each other, to enjoy life, and to maintain a positive financial reality. Yet after two weeks loss of income I dropped into worry. His answer, “We have savings for this type of event. Now is not the time to worry.” Oh, I thought it was only for vacations together. LOL…another downfall; I forget extras are for me, too. And at survival level, I forget the Divine is at work in this challenging corridor. All is in right order…I haven’t figured that one out yet.
Who am I waiting for to rescue me, and from what? It is not my partner, he is that very intimate person that shares all with me. We wrap each other up in love that is our security blanket. We work together to keep a good balance of need and play.
Why am I experiencing this now when doing the work with the students? I decided that is the better question to ask myself. What the heck am I doing in the shadows again!? Don’t we all hate that reality? Yet it occurs repeatedly for those who choose the journey to discover the Higher Self; and beyond that, the True Understanding of Self as the Divine.
LOL….I’m doing the search, I’m digging further, and working on the cure of my cellular memory. It is a corridor of hell, yet it is a corridor to light. In fact, one of the pathways of consciousness we, as a class, are working on carries the Universal influence of Corporeal Intelligence (cellular memory). I just dropped into the memory cell of illness/survival/and rescue that dipped me into the challenges of worthiness and put the frosting of Whooping Cough and Bronchitis on top just so I would bite into it. Oh, what a bitter taste. I’ve asked myself, “Just how long do I need to dwell in this place?” Ah, for as long as it takes to wake up to true blessing of the challenges.
This spiritual work is hard! Ask any teacher, healer, medicine person, mystic, and the true explorer of self realization/self actualization. It is hard work. No matter how many times I’ve gone through the caves of the inner self, I have returned from the depths grateful. I’ve learned more and explored regions of consciousness that are beyond explanation. I’ve cried, torn out my hair, denied, accepted, laughed and succumbed to the sacred chamber of Divine Love. It is worth the hard work and I celebrate it! (But only after I have climbed into Light and knowledge…I do have to admit, the darkness keeps me pissed.)
I started the article with the question, “how many of you have had the flu?” I offer you my journey because the true question I would like to ask is, “How many of you are willing to cross the shadows, live the shadows again and again, learn, and then enter the pathways of soul retrieval?” For truly, each time we do this, we are retrieving the higher aspects of our soul. I continually review this reality as I willingly or unwillingly (unconscious reaction to life) make these journeys. It is providing a way to fit the soul-puzzle pieces together. I am grateful. Sometimes the pieces are painful and ugly, but they are part of the puzzle. Sometimes the pieces are sublime and I think I’ve “arrived.” Ah, the point of arrival is a circumambulating around the light and dark and discovering the center point. The entire journey of dark and light is right, life-confirming and unionizing versus separating and living in one aspect of the polarities. It creates wholeness and a realization that everything is right. Live it all is the edict of the Wise One!
My search for the rescuing doctor is the Inner Doctor. Once again I affirm: It is not anyone or anything outside of me. It is not my progress or no progress. It is not the light or the dark. It is the Internal Higher Essence that carries many names for each individual. But above all, I call it the Higher Essence of myself that knows the God-ness of me. It is the true center point exploring the polarities.
…Until Next Time:
From My Heart to Your Heart
Love and Blessings,
Rev. Katherine Bell, Ph.D.,D.D.
